My sister’s four-year-old, and her Jesus-belief
‘I taught English to a supermarket manager abroad’, says my sister. We’re eating, and each remembering time spent overseas.
‘No you didn’t!’ Her four-year-old sits between us, incredulous.
‘Before I had you’, my sister explains.
‘When I was in your tummy?’
‘Before that.’
‘When I was with Jesus?’
An hour or two later, and again I’m sat at the table, typing this post. My sister, actively evangelical and apparently fearing awkwardness, changed the subject swiftly, and the lump in my throat I swallowed then has re-emerged now.
I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to say. Moments later, I found out they take part in Operation Christmas Child, used by U.S. fundamentalists to make converts of impoverished children. I don’t know how to tell my sister this, or ask if she knows – if she’s aware, specifically, of their director’s statements that Islamic nations deserve nuclear attack and the children of Hindus are ‘bound by Satan’s power’.
Though I don’t think she compares to Franklin Graham, I’m worried that if I tell her how OCC indoctrinate children, I’ll end up accusing her of doing the same. And what really worries me is that I’d be right.
A tenth of her large household income goes to her church, part of the charismatic Newfrontiers network. Other members meet regularly at her house, and held prayer sessions in each part when she first moved in. The playroom shelf includes a home-made magic wand, on the end of which a gold star bears the ballpoint pen inscription, JESUS IS THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD.
My sister has a right to her religion – I wouldn’t tell her otherwise – but I’m worried by her child’s subjection to it. I’m worried, and I don’t know what to do.
If this seems shrill, I still remember vividly my own religious childhood. I remember the Lord’s Prayer on my knees each day at infant school, being told I had atheist relatives now in Hell, and my nine-year-old tantrum at a careless hairdresser – then going to bed in a cold sweat, terrified of God’s wrath since I’d wished death on her. I remember saying in junior school that my father, previously violent, was a demon walking the earth, and remember thinking it. I remember the demonic spirits Mum feared in the house, the distinctive smell that alerted her to them, and the prayer – the assertion, ‘Jesus is Lord!’ repeated on a loop – we said to repel them. I remember the fit I had aged seven or eight, when at her phonecall the head of our church came to the house to resolve an argument, and the sudden feeling of being crushed but what I’d now guess were chest cramps. I remember being told, in the aftermath, that when I told him to go away, it was Satan talking.
Though it’s likely there are members of my sister’s church far more extreme than she, I don’t see her child suffering most of this. That makes me glad. But her belief aged only four that she ‘was with Jesus’ stems from the same indoctrination – literally – as my belief in a God who could hurt me, a demonic father and a lake of fire.
If a psychiatric patient were in my sister’s care who would believe everything she said, she’d think before speaking; she’d take care not to pass off personal beliefs as undisputed facts, since the patient couldn’t ever take them with a pinch of salt. But due to a medical condition – infancy – her four-year-old is credulous to just that degree. To hear a child that age refer to Jesus like a classmate suggests a total unawareness that doubters exist, or that other deities have ever been proposed. ‘Teach the controversy’, we’re sometimes told. Quite.
It’s possible that if I wanted children of my own, I’d be accused by some of teaching them atheism, but I’d never try to pass my unfaith off as a universal standpoint shared by everyone. There’s enormous disagreement about which gods exist, if any; I’m one of fairly few who think there are none, but I wouldn’t want to pretend all adults agree. The worry I feel now is the same I felt watching the recent, viral ‘No homos in Heaven’ clip, and seeing the WBC’s ‘God hates the world’ sung by a child. Yes, these are much more extreme religious beliefs, but they spring from the same supernaturalist vein as any belief in Jesus. To take one religion’s claims as read by the age of five risks an impaired ability later on to sort truth from fantasy; it opens the door to extremism, and credulity in general.
It’s tempting, as a blogger, to write as if you hold solutions for everything. But I’m worried that this happens in my family, and I don’t know for the life of me what to do.
Keep being sane, and keep being involved – as your niece grows older, if she’s aware that you’re a filthy heathen AND a nice person who she’s known for years, it may be an opening for her to explore outside the programmed answers she’s been given.
You can, as the subject arises, say to your niece things like, “Did you know that some people think that’s just a lot of nonsense?” or “It seems kinda silly when you think about it…”
Sow the seeds of doubt and you will not be disappointed.
Interesting concept but the child is still young. As long as the parent isn’t teaching anything hateful or detrimental,what harm is being done to the child? Let the child be. Let her enjoy her innocence until she is old enough to make her own decisions. After all, strong beliefs enforced on us as children, do not mean we will be forever ‘damaged’ or ‘brainwashed’. If I do a good thing now, or apologise to someone in December, it’s not because I’m frightened that Father Christmas won’t come. I do it because as an adult (well sort of!!) I know the difference between right and wrong. A parent has a duty to protect and teach their children to the best of their ability. Many use different methods when it comes to this and few people think it appropriate to contradict them so why when it comes to Christianity, is it ok to criticise the parent? Whatever the beliefs, fairies, atheism, religion, they can support a well rounded and good upbringing. Watch for signs of the child being abused or disturbed. If they are not, leave them until they are older and you can have an intelligent debate with them before forcing YOUR opinions on them as well.
It might put your mind at rest a little to visit Pharygula, the blog of PZ Myers where there are daily testimonies from atheists about how they came to their unbelief. Many of them had the most intensely fundy upbringings and yet managed to break free. Many cite the internet as being an important factor.
Great post. Tough.
For decades now, socio-economic thinkers have envisioned and inspired a boundariless world, be money their religion/reasoning or world interdependence. When it comes to theological thought though, atheism is not necessarily a positive world changer. Religious leaders would brand atheists, ‘selfish’, for a lack of community and ‘so called’ moral structure.
I really enjoyed stepping onto your thought ladder. Probably because i’ve been on my own, and other, ladders and it was nice to see a similar view from yours. So, thanks. And in my gratitude, there may lie a solution to your dilemma. Atheism may just be a stop gap arrangement till you actualize your personal beliefs into your own personal and religious contexts and applications. Being true and kind, to yourself and others, can be religion. Why call yourself an atheist when you can express yourself and your ideologies better just by giving your beliefs a religious connotation of sorts – humanity. Now, that’s a religion of self awareness and more that a muslim, hindu, christian, etc. can follow without giving up on their indoctrinated beliefs and practices.
Born into a Sikh family that does not believe in religious indoctrination, i was given the opportunity of free, albeit guided, thought, just like my elder brother. Religion now, is very personal to me and therefore, neither meant to subjugate me or through me, nor meant to be a thread to cling to in times of despair. ‘god helps those who help themselves’ gives people hope, instead offer realization that ‘god’ has already helped us by giving us the tools to help ourselves – mind, body, senses, emotions, support…an opportunity to be human.
Literacy (and education) may promote awareness subsequently leading up to progressive thinking, but in no means is it a measure of what we expect awareness and education to provide – cohesive human thought and welfare. The wrath of god and eternal damnation was/is an easy way to control feeble minded societies/peoples into a sort of subjugation and cohabitation. But if that fear is what stops a child from doing wrong, what will they become if ever they overcome that fear? Without moral fiber, religious reasoning is not only inadequate, but could prove to be essentially damaging for them/us.
But let’s not debate over the inadequacies of how religion is interpreted and applied by our priests and parents. Let’s instead think of more human reasons to be who we are and do what we do.
Your blog is an outlet to your progressing thought and is a key ingredient to the ‘solution’ you seek. So, bravo! Acceptance, tolerance, and life’s lessons are in your ever-growing toolkit and you have my support.
I wanted to reply to the ‘Crazies are real…’ blog (I’m the crazy you wrote about), but couldn’t find the ‘Leave a reply’ bit at the end, and ended up here instead.
Thanks for sharing about your own experiences above.. I can fully understand how you’ve come to your current position. With our four children we’ve had a much lighter touch than you seem to have had in the past; one is a strong christian (and an officer in the army… I know, I know, what a contradiction etc); another has just finished her fashion degree in London (with a strong personal faith but not church based at present); the third has faith but not so strong (she’s also very artistic and studying in London) and the fourth has just finished his GCSEs and is very into the sciences and his X box, with not alot of faith happening at present. A real mixed bag really. I love them all.
Anyway, I’m mainly replying to say that if you’d like to see the full extent of my perceived craziness, you need to read the article I wrote before the ‘Greece and Britain’ one and the one after it as well. If you’d like to do so, drop me an email.
I’m sure some people called Jesus crazy as well. As has been said before he was either mad, bad or actually from God. If the churchy experiences you’ve had in the past don’t match up to the lifestyle Jesus modelled then what you were exposed to was wrong and shouldn’t have happened. Perhaps your sister has got it about right? I don’t know but I hope so.
I like athiests; the concept of unfaith doesn’t actually exist of course. You have a very strong faith; it’s just not in God. In that sense we’re quite alike. There are christians who happily link, for example, faith in God with a belief in evolution. For example, check out Dr Michael Jarvis’ website and free download (a summary of a longer book: http://www.factandfaith.co.za/GodbyEvolutionsummayNov2010.pdf – especially pp18-20 gives an interesting Theory of Everything. Not all christians are stuck in mediaeval mindsets….).
Back to the Olympic stuff: if there is an evil force in the world, then it would happily use the Olympics etc to affect people for its own purposes. I believe God would want to stop those bad things happening… but why are people in nice post-christian, post-modern Britain getting SO excited about the Olympic Torch run? To me it has all the hallmarks of worship… but it is not good if people are worshipping something and don’t realise it. (Your position, in choosing not to worship, is a safer and more reasonable one.) My reason for writing these articles is that I do have a genuine concern for the people in Britain and I’m seeking to find a correct response to a possible future threat in our country…
Regards
Mark
Yes, the torch run bears certain hallmarks of worship – it’s dogmatic, ritualistic and revolves around a well-developed sense of groupthink. But this doesn’t indicate there are supernatural forces at work, does it?
‘You have a very strong faith; it’s not just not in God.’ No: I’m a skeptic. The position that God-claims haven’t met their burden of proof isn’t faith-based.